why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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