I bet he comes in French.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
