I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
