That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
