I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
