I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
