just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
