i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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