Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
