It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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