i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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