Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
