Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
