i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
