lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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