Do you still have your period?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize