I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
