I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
