There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
