He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
