Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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