I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize