I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
