im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize