You just made me feel so damn special
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
