How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need to calm my uterus...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
