Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
