I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
