I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
