I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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