Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
