i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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