I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
