i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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