So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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