Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
