Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
