if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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