Got a toothbrush?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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