Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My bed smells like the plague
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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