You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize