My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
