i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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