JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
