I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
