apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize