Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You did what with his pubic hair?
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