Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
