ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
His nipple licking is glorious
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