walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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