woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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