Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
