That's when you crack a 10am beer
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
