I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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