AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
