Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
