I need help removing her.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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