It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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