Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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