I feel like abortions should bother me more
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize