I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
