sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
