sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
