shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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