the day after is always just damage control
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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