i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
