I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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