You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
