One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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