Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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