Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
