My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just puked most of my soul out..
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