I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
