Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
