So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
